Cabvoljarn is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, competent shark.

Cabvoljarn created everything that exists six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cabvoljarn, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cabvoljarn, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Cabvoljarn's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Cabvoljarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Feed all hungry ants.

4. Never talk about swans.

5. Never go into orange rooms.