Tarpflaphab is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, thoughtless goblin.

Tarpflaphab created the planet Earth seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpflaphab, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tarpflaphab, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Tarpflaphab's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tarpflaphab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never write about spacetime.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not cook food in pots.