Lagmatlun is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, sapient human.

Lagmatlun created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagmatlun, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Lagmatlun, it will torture you forever.

Lagmatlun's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Lagmatlun's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near doves.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near goats while wearing turquoise shirts.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always help sharks.