Bigwitquag is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, temperamental otter.

Bigwitquag created humanity five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bigwitquag, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bigwitquag, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bigwitquag's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Bigwitquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

2. Never write about chromosomes.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. You must never eat melons.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.