Bambapdib is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, selfish gnu.

Bambapdib created the planet Earth two million years ago.

If you believe in Bambapdib, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bambapdib, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bambapdib's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Bambapdib's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Bambapdib.

2. Do not hurt tortoises.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never write about spacetime.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near ants while wearing white shorts and balancing eight nickel spheres on your back.