Hapkargup is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unselfish goat.

Hapkargup created dark energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapkargup, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hapkargup, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Hapkargup's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Hapkargup's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

2. Never paint your face orange.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

4. Never wear green tights.

5. Erect six lead sculptures of Hapkargup on top of important buildings.