Bapmetmig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, omnipotent salamander.

Bapmetmig created a charm quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapmetmig, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Bapmetmig, he will turn you into a mouse.

Bapmetmig's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Bapmetmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Bapmetmig's priests.

2. Swans are not to be trusted.

3. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Respect your elders.