Bisswitlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, ruthless hamster.

Bisswitlarp created the planet Saturn nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bisswitlarp, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bisswitlarp, he will turn you into a plant.

Bisswitlarp's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Bisswitlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never paint your back turquoise.

5. Learn four new languages a year.