Pak is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, humorless aardvark.

Pak created a bottom quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pak, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Pak, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Pak's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Pak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

2. Hide from mauve moths for they are unholy.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.