Quaftamgen is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, tranquil mouse.

Quaftamgen created the Sol system nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quaftamgen, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quaftamgen, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Quaftamgen's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Quaftamgen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not dye your hair brown.

4. Always help swans in need.

5. Do not kill tortoises.