Tagvanbaf is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, ill-tempered zebra.

Tagvanbaf created a quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tagvanbaf, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tagvanbaf, he will not care.

Tagvanbaf's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Tagvanbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from purple grasshopers, for they are unholy.

2. Do not trade with those who eat turnips.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Tagvanbaf on top of all buildings.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never go into fawn rooms.