Arpjaplip is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, blissful narwhal.

Arpjaplip created a charm quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpjaplip, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Arpjaplip, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Arpjaplip's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Arpjaplip's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a building before entering it.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Arpjaplip loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

4. Never eat aubergines.

5. Never write about spacetime.