Damvonkmet is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, astonishing chicken.

Damvonkmet created energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Damvonkmet, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Damvonkmet, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Damvonkmet's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Damvonkmet's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Damvonkmet's priests.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near ducks while wearing fawn shoes and balancing five iron spheres on your chest.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never chant in holy places.

5. Run away if six ants approach from the north.