Bonlargsig is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, bad-tempered crocodile.

Bonlargsig created time and space four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonlargsig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bonlargsig, he will turn you into a goat.

Bonlargsig's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Bonlargsig's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not take Bonlargsig's name in vain.

3. Never talk about bacteria.

4. Never eat tomatoes.

5. Always help manatees.