Gardadbess is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, caring squid.

Gardadbess created the Sol system nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gardadbess, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gardadbess, he will refuse to believe in you.

Gardadbess' most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Gardadbess' Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

2. Never laugh in the presence of great tits.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Gardadbess on top of all buildings.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not skip in public.