Duttarfid is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, passionate narwhal.

Duttarfid created energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Duttarfid, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Duttarfid, it will turn you into a goat.

Duttarfid's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Duttarfid's Holy Commandments

1. Duttarfid loves voles, so they must be respected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near foxes while wearing green hats and balancing five iron spheres on your hands.

4. Erect a giant red sculpture of Duttarfid in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.