Japxenfot is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unsympathetic dog.

Japxenfot created the world six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japxenfot, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Japxenfot, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Japxenfot's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Japxenfot's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three nematodes approach from the west.

2. Never think about galaxies.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Do not speak about aubergines.