Cetyarprip is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, resourceful grasshopper.

Cetyarprip created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetyarprip, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cetyarprip, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Cetyarprip's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Cetyarprip's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not wear platinum on your body.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about optics.

5. You must love Cetyarprip.