Gessdimhog is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unjust newt.

Gessdimhog created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gessdimhog, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gessdimhog, he will turn you into a goat.

Gessdimhog's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Gessdimhog's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from indigo rats for they are unholy.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not skip in public.

4. Hide if eight grasshopers approach from the east.

5. Never think about dark energy.