Linarmquart is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, fast rhinoceros.

Linarmquart created a Higgs boson nine million years ago.

If you believe in Linarmquart, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Linarmquart, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Linarmquart's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Linarmquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Worship no other gods but Linarmquart.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.