Tailtofbig is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, sage walrus.

Tailtofbig created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tailtofbig, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tailtofbig, it will be very unhappy.

Tailtofbig's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Tailtofbig's Holy Commandments

1. Otters are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Hide if five dogs approach from the south.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tailtofbig.

4. You must love Tailtofbig.

5. Never paint your head purple.