Lamcinquat is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, stupid cow.

Lamcinquat created the Sol system two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamcinquat, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lamcinquat, she will come to you in dreams.

Lamcinquat's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Lamcinquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Lamcinquat loves whales, so they must be respected.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near voles while wearing gray rings and balancing seven iron spheres on your back.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate geese.