Nurkopgun is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, ill-tempered tortoise.

Nurkopgun created a strange quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurkopgun, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Nurkopgun, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Nurkopgun's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Nurkopgun's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt badgers.

2. Never paint your head indigo.

3. Nurkopgun loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.