Xenmigzig is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unsympathetic beaver.

Xenmigzig created the world seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Xenmigzig, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Xenmigzig, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Xenmigzig's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Xenmigzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to snakes while wearing stockings.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Xenmigzig.

3. Put Xenmigzig first in all things.

4. You must pray to Xenmigzig six times a day.

5. You must love Xenmigzig.