Nartwodtonk is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, loving weasel.

Nartwodtonk created energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartwodtonk, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nartwodtonk, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nartwodtonk's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Nartwodtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never feed strawberries to cats while wearing tights.

5. Never look in ponds.