Fotgedwig is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, almighty snail.

Fotgedwig created parasitic wasps three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotgedwig, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fotgedwig, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Fotgedwig's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Fotgedwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair green.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Never jump in the presence of great tits.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not cook food in pots.