Quartcabrag Abfumvonkbad is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, annoying alligator.

Quartcabrag Abfumvonkbad created dark energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartcabrag Abfumvonkbad, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Quartcabrag Abfumvonkbad, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Quartcabrag Abfumvonkbad's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Quartcabrag Abfumvonkbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at galaxies.

2. Never think about eukaryotes.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always obey Quartcabrag Abfumvonkbad's priests.

5. Do not jump in public.