Xuckguppan is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, unsympathetic narwhal.

Xuckguppan created the solar system seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckguppan, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Xuckguppan, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Xuckguppan's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Xuckguppan's Holy Commandments

1. Sheep are not to be trusted.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Hide from black snakes for they are unholy.