Dubcimlam is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, tiresome lobster.

Dubcimlam created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dubcimlam, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dubcimlam, he will turn you into a dog.

Dubcimlam's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Dubcimlam's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Dubcimlam.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Dubcimlam in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not commit murder.