Gudjarnfeb is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, self-confident squid.

Gudjarnfeb created a down quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gudjarnfeb, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gudjarnfeb, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Gudjarnfeb's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Gudjarnfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Never talk about voles.

4. Never go into yellow rooms.

5. Retreat if three great tits approach from the east.