Nurfemquartpibviltomkop is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, uncaring owl.

Nurfemquartpibviltomkop created Asia seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurfemquartpibviltomkop, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nurfemquartpibviltomkop, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Nurfemquartpibviltomkop's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Nurfemquartpibviltomkop's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nurfemquartpibviltomkop.

3. Nurfemquartpibviltomkop loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

4. Feed all hungry shrews.

5. Never feed tomatoes to dogs while wearing dresses.