Gutarpxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, humorless gnu.

Gutarpxuck created the planet Venus eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gutarpxuck, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Gutarpxuck, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gutarpxuck's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Gutarpxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gutarpxuck.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Never talk about comets.