Cadqueeghog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, grumpy turtle.

Cadqueeghog created light three million years ago.

If you believe in Cadqueeghog, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Cadqueeghog, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cadqueeghog's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Cadqueeghog's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five silicon sculptures of Cadqueeghog on top of important buildings.

2. Never jump near tapirs.

3. Put Cadqueeghog first in all things.

4. Never feed garlic to turtles while wearing scarves.

5. Always treat ants with great respect.