Fomnil Latxemvab is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, witless pig.

Fomnil Latxemvab created dark energy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fomnil Latxemvab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fomnil Latxemvab, he will turn you into a mouse.

Fomnil Latxemvab's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Fomnil Latxemvab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Run away from gray pigs, for they are unholy.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.