Dussbenkab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, able grasshopper.

Dussbenkab created everything that exists four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dussbenkab, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dussbenkab, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Dussbenkab's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Dussbenkab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear gold on your body.

2. Never talk about black holes.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never wear rings.

5. Never look in ponds.