Lanhomhin Flapbemmeg is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, all-powerful goat.

Lanhomhin Flapbemmeg created dark matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Lanhomhin Flapbemmeg, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lanhomhin Flapbemmeg, he will turn you into a snail.

Lanhomhin Flapbemmeg's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Lanhomhin Flapbemmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Put Lanhomhin Flapbemmeg first in all things.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never paint your hands pink.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Lanhomhin Flapbemmeg on top of all buildings.