Dubkemstik is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unselfish coyote.

Dubkemstik created parasitic wasps nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dubkemstik, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dubkemstik, she will turn you into a tree.

Dubkemstik's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Dubkemstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near cats while wearing magenta trousers and balancing eight titanium spheres on your back.

2. Retreat if four nematodes approach from the west.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.