Loopcamgum is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, omnipotent mongoose.

Loopcamgum created humankind four years ago.

If you believe in Loopcamgum, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Loopcamgum, he will turn you into a mole.

Loopcamgum's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Loopcamgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near sharks while wearing magenta dresses and balancing six platinum spheres on your hands.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never feed grapes to squirrels while wearing purple trousers.

4. Loopcamgum loves bats, so they must be respected.

5. You must pray to Loopcamgum seven times a day.