Fumyarlnurt is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, uncaring wombat.

Fumyarlnurt created a down quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumyarlnurt, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fumyarlnurt, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fumyarlnurt's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Fumyarlnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

4. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

5. Never talk about fire.