Quimtanzog is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, irritating crow.

Quimtanzog created the planet Jupiter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimtanzog, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quimtanzog, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Quimtanzog's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Quimtanzog's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never feed melons to frogs while wearing jumpers.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quimtanzog.

5. Never go into green rooms.