Gadontnull is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, slow jackal.

Gadontnull created energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gadontnull, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gadontnull, he will try to impress you with trees.

Gadontnull's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Gadontnull's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Always wear pink.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.