Wonnatvin is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, staggering gorilla.

Wonnatvin created water seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Wonnatvin, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Wonnatvin, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Wonnatvin's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Wonnatvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never talk about electromagnetism.

3. Wonnatvin loves birds, so they must be honoured.

4. Never feed bread to gulls while wearing yellow skirts.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.