Gettinhub is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, uncaring dog.

Gettinhub created Europe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gettinhub, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gettinhub, he will cry a lot.

Gettinhub's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Gettinhub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Gettinhub.

5. Never bounce near geese.