Yatlamzen is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, vain swan.

Yatlamzen created a charm quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yatlamzen, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Yatlamzen, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Yatlamzen's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Yatlamzen's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four tapirs approach from the east.

2. Always look after injured shrews.

3. Erect a giant white sculpture of Yatlamzen in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.