Betbapdap Bastmif Farnxuckdotlad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, merciful clam.

Betbapdap Bastmif Farnxuckdotlad created silver seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Betbapdap Bastmif Farnxuckdotlad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Betbapdap Bastmif Farnxuckdotlad, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Betbapdap Bastmif Farnxuckdotlad's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Betbapdap Bastmif Farnxuckdotlad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Betbapdap Bastmif Farnxuckdotlad loves mice, so they must be respected.

3. Never think about thermodynamics near seals while wearing black shoes and balancing seven zinc spheres on your face.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.