Flancunpak is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, staggering slug.

Flancunpak created parasitic wasps four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flancunpak, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flancunpak, he will jump up and down on your head.

Flancunpak's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Flancunpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt tortoises.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Always wear turquoise.

5. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.