Spagmidlam is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, staggering dog.

Spagmidlam created vertebrates four years ago.

If you believe in Spagmidlam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Spagmidlam, it will turn you into a tree.

Spagmidlam's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Spagmidlam's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Never think about optics.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never think about spacetime near porpoises while wearing violet rings and balancing six aluminium spheres on your legs.