Quafwatcet is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, selfish bird.

Quafwatcet created a photon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quafwatcet, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quafwatcet, he will turn you into a mouse.

Quafwatcet's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Quafwatcet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Retreat if eight sharks approach from the south.

3. Do not leap in public.

4. Quafwatcet loves sheep, so they must be respected.

5. Learn three new languages a year.