Teenyarpkar is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, merciless jaguar.

Teenyarpkar created the planet Jupiter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenyarpkar, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Teenyarpkar, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Teenyarpkar's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Teenyarpkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. You must pray to Teenyarpkar four times a day.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Teenyarpkar.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Always take life seriously.