Kipcarquag is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, quiet swallow.

Kipcarquag created an atom three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipcarquag, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kipcarquag, it will think nothing of it.

Kipcarquag's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Kipcarquag's Holy Commandments

1. Kipcarquag loves great tits, so they must be respected.

2. Always help dolphins in need.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near cats while wearing fawn corsets and balancing six titanium spheres on your face.

5. Kipcarquag loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.